Scones do it better

mood: blah

AN: This was particularly challenging to write but I hope you guys will like it. Again a big thank you to 

sosaith

My Person 

Part 3: His Introspection

Perry woke up with the certitude that today was going to be hell; he had a killer migraine (probably because of his high blood pressure), he had a double shift at the hospital and he was in a lousier mood than usual.  Plus he just had a sixth sense about those sorts of things. Some people could tell when it was going to rain; Percival Ulysses Cox could predict when a day was going to epically suck.  Knowing this, Perry was not surprised when Kelso requested him in his office.  

“What do you want Bobo? My time is very precious, because I, unlike you, don’t spend my day sitting in a chair. I actually help the patients that come in, regardless of what their assurance policies are willing to pay…”

He growled as he was being interrupted by the shorter, older man. “Yes, yes Perry, you care and I don’t. Long impressive angry speech, we all know the routine.” Perry would have replied to that, but Bob’s face was now very serious. “Listen Perry, I’m asking you this because I believe you will understand the importance of the situation. My son, Harrison, isn’t doing so great. I would like you to take care of him while he is here.”

Not even a year ago, Perry would have verbally given the finger to Kelso. He would never even have stopped to think about doing a favor for the old man. Unfortunately, Newbie had proven that doing something good for the chief of medicine could play in his favor. While he hated the fact that he had listened to the kid in the first place, he hated the fact that he was listening to him now when he wasn’t even around even more.

 “I’ll do it.” Perry said tightly.    

 “What?”

 “Don’t make me repeat myself or I might change my mind.”

Perry left the office, rubbing the arch of his nose, wishing the increasing headache would go away. Dealing with the no doubt spoiled, annoying child of the chief of medicine would not help with his migraines.  He entered Harrison’s room briskly, prepared to deal with Satan’s spawn. 

Perry Cox never had been so happy to be wrong. As it turned out, the young man was the kind of patient he quickly got fond of. He was a plucky, snappy, smart man who had threatened him with scissors when Perry had called him “Mister Kelso”.

“Girl, if you ever call me like that again, I will cut every single one of your precious red curls and I will not make it pretty.”

“Fine by me, I wouldn’t want anyone to call me Mr. Cox either.”

He’d be damned if he’d ever want his father’s name, that much he could concede to the kid. A couple of tests later, he had already diagnosed Harrison and explained the treatment he would start him on. Perry was pretty sure that the kid would have no problem pulling through the liver disease but he still wanted someone else monitoring him, as a back up, in case he was stuck some place. He was not going to let that kid die. Harrison was way too much fun to hang around. 

His mind automatically went to JD as his back up plan. Newbie was showing a lot more strength and focus these days. He was improving as a doctor and he really was able to keep up with everything going around in the hospital. Months of therapy permitted Perry to say that he, sort-of-might-sort of-maybe-care-a-little for him. Newbie had crept in his life without Perry’s consent, and was now part of his daily routine. Heck, he was capable of using his brain sometimes, which was more than most people around him. These days he was even bearable company. Besides, his only other choice would be Barbie and even if she was on the same level as JD, Perry was not going through the hell of listening to Elliot and Harrison gab about hair and boys all day.

Or so he thought. JD, as it turned out, really, re-ha-lly got along with the kid. Perry found it incredibly amusing how Newbie didn’t realize he had more in common with a gay guy than with most of his straight male friends. Harrison, on the other hand, was perfectly aware of it and made fun of JD’s girly-ness too, admittedly in a less forceful way than he did himself, but it was still great entertainment to watch Newbie blush and squirm under their united effort.

When he got home that night, he went to serve himself a scotch and stopped mid motion. His headache had completely vanished. He decided against the drink, seeing that he didn’t feel he had a reason for it anymore.

***

“Steffani, where are the tests I asked you for 15 minutes ago?”

“They weren’t ready when I went to get them earlier. I’m going to fetch them right away. Nice to see you Harrison!”

Perry growled as Newbie left.

“Calm down big boy, I’m sure he told the truth.”

Perry glared at Harrison. The kid really didn’t fear him one bit. He actually enjoyed his gustiness but being called “big boy” by a scrawny gay man brought vivid pictures to his mind that he really didn’t need or want.  

“Want some sugar from daddy?” Perry countered, smirking.

“Haha. Don’t propose what you won’t deliver. It’s not nice to tease the ill.”

“Yes, your case and my cancer girl in room 203, totally the same.”

“Tsk tsk. I can’t even use this at my advantage. Damn liver disease and its high recovery rate! By the way, why don’t you ever call him JD? I’ve been here for over a week and you always refer to him as either Newbie or a random girl name.”

“SO not random! Monday is for Hispanic names, Tuesday is for old movie stars, Wednesday for Pop singers, Thursday is for classic names and Friday is free pass. Of course, there are some exceptions, like when I want to point out something in particular, like his hair being too long. ” Perry crossed his arms over his chest as he spoke to he younger man, smirking happily. 

“Ahhh. Hence the Rapunzel. You sure thought a lot about it if you came up with an actual schedule. You are sure you are not giving some sugar to his cute little tushy?”  Harrison smirked in turn.

“Filthy, filthy boy! I should wash that mouth out with soap!” Perry answered, waving his index in a disapproving manner.

“Here are the results Dr. Cox!” Newbie entered the room like an excited puppy would have. 

“Thank you Belinda.”  

The girl names had started as a way to annoy the hell out of the kid and make Perry’s days so much more enjoyable. Plus, the kid really had feminine tendencies, and Perry knew it was a bit unfair but lord, even Harrison was not that much of a girl, and the guy was pretty darn effeminate. Besides, it made Newbie miserable, making it that much more agreeable for Perry. Okay, he could admit, to himself at least, that he did not want JD to be completely miserable. For example when his dad died, Perry found no joy in it at all. Even bastards could show a little compassion in those moments. Perry could anyway. No, the misery that he enjoyed was the tiny ego poke: pretty harmless in the big picture, but oh so fun to witness. But now the names were a barrier. Newbie was becoming to present in his life, more and more each day, and he would be damned before he’d let him think they were friends. The kid was already fixated on the idea that he was his mentor; anything that could put a distance between them was a blessing. Because it was getting to close for comfort and the last time that happened, his “friend” had convinced Jordan to sleep with him, ending their relationship in a dreadful divorce.

“Well what are you standing there for? You have other patients that need caring. GO!”

JD scampered away. Perry watched him leave, when he realized he had been staring he went back to the test results.  He frowned as a migraine started to throb in his head.

***

Perry was incredibly happy; for once, he had great news to deliver. Harrison was responding exceptionally well to the medication and should be well enough to leave in the near future. Perry was walking quickly toward the patient’s room when he saw something that made him stop.

JD was sitting on the bed, getting his hair cut. He was smiling and talking animatedly with Harrison.  It wasn’t something unusual, but the whole picture had a strange feeling of intimacy. Perry rubbed the arch of his nose when he felt the beginning of a new headache; no way was he letting a migraine ruin his moment.

As he entered the room he automatically fell into a speech, which immediately earned him the attention of the two men. Harrison was unbothered by it, simply chuckling and finishing the haircut.  Remembering the news he had to deliver, Perry could not help but let his happiness show, smiling as he spoke.

“I have good news. You are responding to the medication exceptionally well. You’ll be out of here in a couple of days. You are one lucky bastard; you wont have to set one foot in the OR all thanks to Moi! So keep resting. And don’t be afraid to throw Pumpkin out when you get tired of her girly gabbing.”

Harrison invited him to stay with them to celebrate. Perry hesitated for a moment, unsure if he was interrupting a conversation between the two men. The happy faces on both of them made Perry pull a chair and join them. God, Newbie’s smile was so big and bright he could have blinded someone. Perry resisted the urge to wipe it off young doctor’s face and decided to just enjoy the moment. Victories and good news were on the rare side and he learned to cherish those moments. They made it all worth it.

***

“Prethy shoos!”

Perry looked down at his son Jack. The toddler had been playing with blocks but was now admiring the pink and black Converse his dad was wearing. Perry groaned. He was hoping that this was just Jack showing good taste and that his son was not going to be a second JD. Perry had received the shoes when he had said goodbye to Harrison. “Real men wear pink and get away with it” the gay man had said. And he was right. Plus those things were damn comfortable.

Jack was now pulling at one of his legs. Once he got his father’s attention he was raisig his arms up. “You’re almost 3, I can’t hug you and hold you all the time kiddo.” At the perplexed and confused face of his son, he sighed and picked him up.

“You and that therapist are making me so damn soft.”

His son giggled. If he didn’t know how children’s brains worked, he would have been sure the toddler was mocking him. Truth be told, Perry loved Jack. He was even able to tolerate Jordan for him. It was easier since she wasn’t there all that much. He didn’t quite hate her, but he was definitely not ready to welcome her back in just yet. He had also reduced his alone drinking time a lot. He was determined to be a much better father than his had been. At least for the few afternoons he spent with his son.

 ***

*SIGH*

Perry glared at JD. The kid had been sporting the whole “kicked puppy” look for the past few days. While Perry appreciated the fact that Newbie wasn’t just blabbering about his feelings like he usually did, the constant moping was driving him nuts.

*SIGH*

Okay that was it. Perry could hardly believe he was going to ask JD about his life but he figured the whining would be over way faster than the constant long faces.

“Good lord Annabelle, if you let out one more sigh like that you are gonna deflate entirely. Now normally your misery would make me very, very happy but seeing that I am stuck with you today I’m giving you this tiny window to let it all out so that we never, ever talk about it again, much like you would a one night stand.”

Newbie was standing there dumbfounded. Well if he wasn’t going to jump on this opportunity Perry was taking it back. The ultimatum made the younger doctor react and immediately empty his heart out. He was still such a girl.

All of the jabbering finally processed into Perry’s brain. Newbie had been dating? Laverne had said nothing about that. Not that Perry wanted to know those things, but the nurse would just spit them out to anyone who was around her long enough to hear it. If she hadn’t heard about that then surely no one had. Whoever the kid was dating seemed to have made quite an impression on him. He had never spoken of any of his past girlfriends that way. Perry knew that, because he often had to threaten the kid so he would shut the hell up about whomever he was dating. Not to mention that for once, it had not affected JD in his work. If the kid had actually managed to find someone that great, then Perry really envied him. He still felt like crushing those happy feeling but he resisted the urge and said the right thing; to keep the damn girl if she was that great. Give hell to anyone who said other wise.

Perry was proud of himself. Controlling the urge of crush happy moments was something he had been working on a lot in therapy. 

Oh Lord. Newbie was starting to tear up. Way too intimate for comfort. Perry could never stand crying girls. He had to make the kid leave before he did something that would ruin the whole positive speech he just gave him. And of course, to top it all off, he could feel a headache starting. That was not encouraging him too keep up the good behavior.

***

Perry was in a shitty mood. He had had little sleep due to one of his patient who had decided to code every half hour or so. The man had kicked the bucket just few minutes before the second part of his shift started which really had pissed Perry off. After all this work, he would have appreciated if the patient had stayed alive a little longer. The rest of the morning was un-eventful, which was never a good sign. If there was no patient drama there definitely was going to be a personal one. Perry hated personal drama. Running around to save a patient all night, that was his job, that was a rush but personal life drama? That just sapped his will to live right out of him. Better keep busy then. Perry was on his way to the nurses station when he saw Newbie and his black better half talking discreetly to each other. Great that way JD was not going to bother him.

Perry decided that all things considered, he hated being proven wrong.

“BISEXUAL TURK. I’M BISEXUAL”

Perry went completely blank. He grabbed a chart at random and walked out of the room on autopilot. In fact, Perry’s mind didn’t come back to him until he realized that he was about to fill Jack’s sippy cup with scotch and his shot glass with milk. This could not happen. None of this could happen. Perry decided at this very moment that JD had said nothing. In fact there was no Newbie in his life. A lot of shit could have been avoided if the kid hadn’t been there in the first place. Yup, what he had to do was now very clear. Newbie didn’t exist from this moment. 

***

The first few days of Perry’s plan were completely blissful. Silence and peace were his at last. He had wished for this for, well, years. After a week, he realized he kept glancing back to see if JD was following him. He was not disappointed when he saw the kid wasn’t walking with him anymore. He wasn’t. Nor did he find the silence oppressive when he realized there was really no one he could tolerate talking to, except Carla. Nope, not at all.

Perry was a real man after all. He didn’t get lonely. He didn’t miss people’s presence. He could live perfectly on his own.

The reason he didn’t leave the room where Newbie was had nothing to do with the other man’s presence. It was purely to make work easier.

On the second week Perry was happy to see his plan working. He was. The only problem he had was his persisting and increasing migraines. But he could take that pain, it was nothing compared to anything else in his life. Besides, it should resolve itself with all the peace and quiet he had now. By the end of that week, Perry was able to admit, he did mind not having the kid around. It was fun to verbally abuse him. Yeah, an easy way to unleash is anger and frustration. That’s what he missed. Really.

On the third week Newbie started to literally stalk him. He was everywhere Perry went. Talking all the time. Perry was not happy about that. Okay fine he was a little. No one really talked to him here, and patients don’t make for the most interesting conversations. So yes, he was listening to JD talk a little. Not that he cared what the kid said. Some of it was pretty great blackmail material to keep for future use. Not that there was going to be any future in which he would talk to JD. It was only a figure of speech. At first, JD’s monologues had been pretty plain and innocent, but since Perry was giving him the cold shoulder, the kid was dishing the juicier stuff, probably as an attempt to provoke him.

So far he had learned that JD went to theater camp. That his parent had wanted a daughter and had treated JD like a girl for a couple of years, which explained so much really. That his fantasies were even weirder than Perry had first suspected. That sex with a man was just great; at which point Perry had discreetly left for the bathroom because he was not about to get details on that no matter how open minded he might be.

So okay, he missed JD. Big deal. He had worked with the kid everyday for years, a bond was meant to happen. Newbie literally considered him a mentor; a father figure and he kept setting Perry up in that role. It was normal Perry felt a certain affection for the kid after all they went through.  What he felt for him was his paternal instinct, probably emphasized by the fact that Jack was in his life and made that side of him come out more. And now he was sounding like his therapist. Great. He needed scotch. Lots of it. His therapist would not agree, which made Perry long for the bottle even more.

***

Perry entered the hospital bathroom. He groaned internally as he heard JD singing to himself. Some things never stopped being annoying no matter how much you might care for someone. He glanced briefly in Newbie’s general direction. He blinked as he saw a rainbow band on the kid’s skinny wrist. Before any thought registered, he was grabbing JD arms forcefully, barking at him. Perry was stunned and speechless when JD actually had the guts to give him an earful and liberate himself from Perry’s grip. Admittedly he wasn’t holding him all that tightly but Newbie had shown more strength than normally.

Perry stood there for a while, surrounded by urinals and silence, migraine starting.

***

“You know your time has started right?”

Perry glared at his therapist. The man had put up with him for the past few years. There had been friction and threats, but so far Perry had not made the Doctor run away. That, in itself, was remarkable. The therapist was also absolutely unafraid of him, which was both an annoyance and a blessing.

“Fine. You know this intern I told you about.”

“Yes, the one who is insane enough to follow you around. I remember.”

Perry growled. “He came out 3 weeks ago. I completely ignored him from that moment. Blocked him out completely. Didn’t speak to him or acknowledge him until today. The worst part his I can’t figure out why.”

“Do you have a problem with diverging sexual orientation?”

“Heck no. Never been a problem. I love the gay community. Gay men have excellent taste. Great music. When I was an intern, the closest to a friend I had back then was a lesbian. I treat people from that community all the time. I’m totally flattered when I a guy check me out.”

“Then the problem isn’t that he’s gay”

“He’s bisexual actually”

“Bisexual then. That’s clearly not the problem. Your problem lies in the fact that it’s this particular intern who is bisexual."

“Wow. Braaah-vo! That is such a re-diiii-cu-loooous idea. Why on earth would I care who Newbie bonks? The only time I cared was when he was doing it with my ex-wife’s sister because that meant I had to spend time with the kid outside of work. Or when he did it with Elliot because I was sure to have to deal with the repercussions at work. I re-ha-lly don’t care who he gets rejected by.”

His therapist was looking at him with his usual “you’re pathetic” face.

“How long have you two been working together?”

“A couple of years, I really don’t see what it has to do with any-”

“And you still refer to him as Newbie? I’m betting he’s the same intern you call girl names. You don’t think that it’s a bit strange? You purposely reduce him to an inferior or destroy his image as a strong, complete man. You feel threatened by him and by refusing to call him by his actual name, you create a distance between the two of you. At the same time you actually listen to him, care for his opinion of you and spend most of your waking hours with him. You both want and refuse any form of closeness with him.” 

“Does this crazy talk have a point ‘Doc?”

“I think you know exactly why you are not talking to him. His coming out has triggered feelings you have clearly been repressing and that you don’t want to face. And because you know your usual reaction, anger, won’t work you decided to go even deeper in denial by refusing to acknowledge him.”

“What are you trying to say? That the fact that he’s into men makes me afraid of being “close” to him or caring for him? I care for the kid and I know it. The simple fact that I’m able to say it is proof of that. Calling him girl names doesn’t mean I’m afraid of him, its just means that he has already crept into my life enough as it is. And his such a girl to start with! He follow me around like a puppy all day and he treats me like I’m his father for crying out loud! I’m not his father! I don’t want to be his father figure! Or his mentor for that matter.”

“Because you don’t want him to like you that way. You want to be more to him”

“Exactly! I … What? Shit.”

Realization hit Perry like a slap in the face. He sat back down, only now aware that he had risen up during his speech. Perry had very slowly, one day at a time, for over 3 years, developed feelings for JD. It had started with hate, then dislike, then tolerance, then indifference and then care. He wasn’t calling him girl names simply for the fun of it anymore. It was because that way, JD became an ugly girl to whom Perry couldn’t be attracted. Just like calling him Newbie meant he was still too immature to be taken seriously in any romantic way. As long as JD was straight it meant that Perry had not an inkling of a chance and so he could just push all those thoughts away. The coming out had revived them and he had not been ready to face them. Because that would mean he liked JD far more than he had believed. Because it would mean that Perry was having feelings for a man. Because it would mean that Perry would have even more chances to screw things up between them, and beside Carla, the kid was the closest he had to a friend. It meant re-evaluating everything. So instead he had shunned JD. Because dumping and pushing away was what Perry did best in those situations.

“I have feelings for him.”

“Yes”

“Well, shit.”

Perry had spoken in empty voice. Staring at some random spot in front of him.

***

Perry had been staring at the bottle of scotch for half an hour now. He was impressed with himself; just a few months ago it would have been half empty by now. And a year ago he would have been completely drunk. But no, he was being reasonable. Besides, Perry knew it was absolutely not worth it. When Percival Cox had feelings for someone, no amount of booze made them go away. In fact, if he drank in those situations, he tended to make big mistakes. Life was shitty enough; Perry didn’t feel like making it worse.

The problem was, Perry had never been very good with the whole introspection crap. He was used to yelling and smashing things. He closed his eyes and massaged his forehead. He didn’t even know the extent of his feeling s or what to do with them. What was he supposed to do when he saw JD? It then occurred to Perry that he had a far more important problem. How was he going to mend their relationship? He had ignored the kid for 3 whole weeks. Even Perry wouldn’t think low of him if he refused to forgive him.

Okay, so, new plan. Perry Cox was going to get JD to forgive him. He stared at the scotch bottle a little longer.

How the fuck was he supposed to do that?

***

When Perry arrived to work, he decided to simply start the day fresh. When he’d cross JD’s path he would say hi to him. Just to break the ice. He had absolutely no faith it would work but his only other idea was to tackle JD and force him to talk to him, which he was pretty sure most people wouldn’t agree with.

Newbie, unfortunately, had other plans. Perry had not seen him all morning and was now on his way to the cafeteria. As he got in line to get his food, he spotted Carla and Turk who where sitting with … Harrison? JD joined them and kissed his boyfriend.

The first thing that came up in Perry’s mind was that he wanted to punch Harrison. Then he realized that he liked Harrison and the urge to punch him was highly reduced.

“Sir?”

The cafeteria lady was looking at him oddly. Perry realized that he had not taken anything from the line and was now at the register. He quickly grabbed a sandwich on the side and grunted at the lady. Perry had to decide his next move quickly. He decided to just go for it. Has he approached the table he felt all the eyes turning to him. Perry decided that just being his “normal” self would be the best way to approach it.

“Hey Harrison, if Ginger here is too much of a leech let me know, I’ll make sure to keep her busy.”

“I’ll be sure to let you know. By the way pink is so your color.”

“Oh, shut up.”                                                                                                   

Perry smiled a little, hoping the light banter would suffice for now. He literally felt the air lighten and he sat with them. When Harrison left and kissed JD, Perry found that the urge to punch did not come back. That didn’t mean his strong hands weren’t gripping the table tightly.

Perry saw the time and got up. Now was the real challenge, if Newbie didn’t respond to him he knew he’d have trouble.

“You coming, Newbie?”

JD got up and quickly followed him. He had a guarded expression, for which Perry felt slightly guilty. He couldn’t blame the kid. Besides, he knew they were going to have to talk about that whole mess since JD had the need to exteriorize his feelings. This way Perry was buying himself some time to explore those “feelings”.  

Perry’s face softened a little as he realized that his persistent headache was almost completely gone. Well shit, he had done something right.

AN2: I just wanted to warn you all that I will be busy next week with “real life” stuff. This will slow down my writing considerably so expect a bigger delay. On the bright side, I have already outlined my ideas for part IV so when I will have time to write it should go pretty smoothly!